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Customer - "My server is down" - Support - "Please pay us"

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  • Customer - "My server is down" - Support - "Please pay us"

    I do feel that I have to share one of my many 'wonderful' experiences with support recently.

    info: Please wait for a site operator to respond.
    info: You are now chatting with 'Amy Jackson'
    Amy Jackson: Hello and Welcome to Live Chat Support.
    Amy Jackson: How may I assist you today ?
    Amy Jackson: Hello David
    David: Hello Amy, there's a number of things, hope you don't mind

    (And even if you do mind, I don't care at this point - my VM has been offline for 7 hours straight).

    Amy Jackson: Ok
    Amy Jackson: Let me know the issue please

    (You've just logged into my account (obviously ive removed the previous lines detailing my account details) so surely the problem is as evident to you as it is to me).

    David: Well firstly, I've been out of the office all day and I've come back now to find my VM inactive - I'm just wondering why? Or what's happend?
    David: I've tried to start it again but it fails to start
    Amy Jackson: Ok
    Amy Jackson: Let me check
    David: thank you

    ....

    Amy Jackson: Ok
    Amy Jackson: It seems there is outstanding dues in your account
    Amy Jackson: You need to clear that

    (Are you being for real? You're not giving me support over a 3 invoice. A 3 invoice that is *not* overdue. Maybe this is a good time to forward you *my* invoice for all the time that several support operatives have wasted. And I assure you, it's much in excess of 3. This isn't to mention my account balance IS IN CREDIT over 44)

    David: So the VM has been suspended?
    Amy Jackson: It is waiting for clearance

    (Now, I'm angry. You suspended me for being in credit? Over a 3 invoice? When you let other customers go -30 in debt. Wait, where's the camera - this has got to be a prank).

    Amy Jackson: Shall I transfer the chat to concerned department for better assistance?

    (Well I guess seen as though you are refusing me technical support, you better had)

    David: I've got to say that I find this situation completely unacceptable given what has happened with regards to eNlight and the majority of the support recieved over the less than 24 hours since I activated my first VM
    David: There is over 40 credit in my eNlight account

    (i.e. FYI Amy, I'm not a happy customer. And this treatment is outrageous)

    Amy Jackson: Let me check that
    Amy Jackson: One moment

    (Ah, finally, they've seen sense that it is an error).

    Amy Jackson: Allow me to transfer the chat to concerned department for better assitance
    info: Please wait while I transfer the chat to the best suited site operator.

    (Then again, maybe not!)

    info: You are now chatting with 'Aaron'

    (Please, please, please let this person be able to help me)

    Aaron: Hello
    David: Hello Aaron, can I ask which department this is?
    Aaron: You are in billing department now..

    (Just thought I'd clarify - after all I could have been transferred to the Pensions department for all I know)

    David: OK, well I'm not 100% sure why I've be transferred here, but I understand my VM has been suspended?
    Aaron: Give me a few mins to check it
    David: ok, thank you

    (Dear Lord, have mercy).

    Aaron: You have 44.53 GBP available balance in your enlight account so there is no any issue related to the payment.

    (I'm sure I just said this about 25 lines ago.... but granted, it's not Aaron's fault, I've only just started chatting with him)

    David: Amy just said my VM has been suspended due to outstanding invoice
    Aaron: Give me a few mins..

    (It seems fairly obvious to me - either its suspended, or its not suspended. By this point, I don't care which, I just want to know so I can sort it out!!)

    Aaron: I confirm that there is no any issue related to the billing. Let me transfer your chat to our Windows Technical admin so that they can check if there is any technical issue...

    (You know that feeling you get when your stuck on a roundabout and you can't get off?)

    David: This is a joke i guess?
    Aaron: Amy might have misunderstood. Let me transfer your chat to our Technical admin so that they can assist you..
    David: Thank you

    (*might*! Where's the *might*. Either Amy is misunderstood or you are misunderstood - you're not both correct - your saying opposite things!)

    info: Please wait while I transfer the chat to the best suited site operator.

    (Please, don't be Amy, please Lord don't be Amy. I beg of you please.....)

    info: You are now chatting with 'Amy Jackson'

    (*facepalm* Today just isn't going to be my day...)

    David: Hello Amy
    David: We were just chatting
    Amy Jackson: HI
    Amy Jackson: Yes

    (Hey remember me? I'm that customer you just offended.)

    [5 minutes silence]

    (OK, maybe she needs some thinking time to work out how she's not going to annoy me further)

    David: So..... where do we go from here?

    (I'll break the silence, this is becoming more awkward that a first date)

    Amy Jackson: Let me check that

    (Check what? Where we go from here? How long does it take to check with your brain and articulate that to your fingers? *sigh* just go along with it David.... just go along with it)

    Amy Jackson: It seems there is an issue at the moment

    (Thank you Captain Obvious - I wasn't here to discuss the weather now was I?)

    Amy Jackson: Allow me to raise a support ticket for this issue

    (What issue?)

    Amy Jackson: I will highlight this issue to the Enlight team.
    Amy Jackson: The VM is not getting started

    (That is exactly what I told you about an hour ago, at the beginning. Make sure you highlight it with a big bright yellow marker pen with a note - "please sort")

    David: Well, I know it's not your fault but 55% uptime is completely outrageous
    Amy Jackson: Be online
    Amy Jackson: I can understand the inconvenience you are experiencing ,
    Amy Jackson: I will raise the ticket now

    (Inconvience = 10 mins downtime. 45% downtime = outrageous)

    David: Well it is an inconvience, and costing our business.
    David: And to carry on being charged for any resources during downtime is even more outrageous
    David: I've got to say that I'm extremely dissatisfied at the moment
    David: And very disappointed, eUKhost's other products are top quality
    Amy Jackson: We will definitely check that
    Amy Jackson: Allow me some time

    (Definitely check that? I'll send you the screenshots of VM usage just in case they suddenly disappear . And why not, what's another 10 mins on 'virtual hold' compared to the countless hours various support staff have wasted)

    David: Is there any estimation when this issue will be dealt with?
    David: As I will have to inform my customers how many more hours they will be without service
    Amy Jackson: David
    Amy Jackson: I am just in conversation with senior team member regarding this
    Amy Jackson: Hoping for a resolution
    Amy Jackson: Be online
    Amy Jackson: I will update you once it is done

    (Less hope, more do! I'm hoping for a summer with sun, a win on the Euromillions on Friday and a 50 million / year contract with Microsoft - I hope I don't have to wait for a resolution as long as I'm waiting for all that!)

    Amy Jackson: David
    David: yes
    Amy Jackson: I am sorry but there is an issue with the enlight
    Amy Jackson: It will take another hour

    (Another hour?!?! What have you been doing for the previous 7 hours that it's been down?)

    David: Can I ask what that issue is?
    Amy Jackson: I will raise a support tikcet
    Amy Jackson: The enlight team wil update it
    Amy Jackson: They are right after the task
    Amy Jackson: Be assured
    Amy Jackson: Allow me some time

    (I could have done that over an hour ago if you had said)

    David: Well its been down for nearly 7 hours in a row now, and that's not including the downtime last night / early this morning
    Amy Jackson: YEs
    Amy Jackson: YEs
    Amy Jackson: We will let yopu know

    (Might as well throw in a "calm down dear" in there as well. I know your probably hating this LiveChat with me however just be thankful you are getting paid for it, because I assure you I'm not being paid to partake in this mystery meat tour of eUK departments!).

    Amy Jackson: Is there anything else I may assist you with?

    (Well considering you've suspended or crashed all my servers, I guess not. Maybe a recommendation on alternative provisions? Compensation? An apology?)

    Amy Jackson: You might receive a short Survey, We would request you to give us your valuable feedback as it will help us to go that extra mile to provide you with Quality Service.

    ('it will help us to go that extra mile to provide you with Quality Service' - oh please don't go the extra mile. No seriously, don't. Your spoling me! I'm bowled over with the "quality" service I'm receiving at the moment [/sarcasm].)

    Outrageous!!! Completely outrageous support. However, if this is how bad its going to get, please lets try and make it interesting so I can have a giggle while I'm on LiveChat.

    I would suggest, for humorous purposes:

    Rather than "Be online" say "May the force be with you - standby at your communication device"

    Rather than "Let me check this" say "Let me kick you up the backside, just one more time..... pretty please.... with a cherry on top!"

    Rather than "There seems to be an issue" say "There is an issue".

    Oh, and remember me being billed for downtime? And that it would "definitely be checked".

    Well, it wasn't. Billed for my own down time when it wasn't even my fault.

    Just in case any of you didn't see before - OUTRAGEOUS!
    David Smith
    Managing Director
    DPS Computing Limited

    - Massive update! (September 2011) - It's now not neglected!!
    - New Site (10/2009)
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