With Christmas almost here and everyone getting in the holiday mood, we’ve dispensed with our usual, informative blog post, thinking that you’d rather be reading something a little more light-hearted. With that in mind, we’ve asked the team here to come up with their favourite IT jokes and one-liners so that we can share a little festive fun with you. Hopefully, they’ll bring a smile to your face and you might even tell one or two to your colleagues. Enjoy!
eukhost’s top IT jokes
- Why should you never use beef stew as a computer password?
Because it’s not stroganoff. - We’re sorry to announce that the inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair is next monkey. - How does a computer get drunk?
It takes screenshots. - Why did the rock band 1023 Megabytes split up?
Because they didn’t have a gig. - Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I’m addicted to checking my Twitter feed.
Doctor: I’m so sorry, I don’t follow. - Why did the worker get sacked from the keyboard factory?
Because he wasn’t putting in enough shifts. - We’ll, we’ll, we’ll if it isn’t autocorrect.
- Why did the server turn up late to the restaurant?
Because It had a hard drive. - Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
- Why’s my computer just started singing the theme tune to Skyfall?
It must be a Dell. - I’ve stopped using social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles. Each day, I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the day before and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.
Does it work?
Yes. I already have three people following me two police officers and a psychiatrist. - Mom: What do IDK, LY and TTYL mean in text messages?
Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
Mom: OK, I’ll ask your sister. - Adam and Eve were the first ever computer users. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte.
- Thanks to autocorrect, this year my kids have sent their Christmas list to Satan.
- Why couldn’t the customer get out of the Apple store?
Because there were no Windows. - So what if the computer beat me at chess? I smashed it at kickboxing.
- What did your parents do to fight boredom before the internet?
I don’t know, I’ll ask my 15 brothers and sisters. - My email password has been hacked again. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.
- I love the F5 key. It’s just so refreshing.
- If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer oh wait, he does.
- What do you get if you Google How to light a fire?
68,500 matches. - Why do Java developers wear glasses?
Because they can’t C. - Yesterday, I updated my website username to Hack me if you can. When I woke up this morning, I saw it had changed to Challenge accepted. Somebody help!
- What did the shrink say to the password?
Don’t listen to Google. You are a strong, resilient password. - What did the website owner say after being hacked?
At least I kept the web address, that’s domain thing. - I mostly just scroll through Instagram; it reminds me of what brand names I said out loud yesterday.
- A boy came home to find his dad taking his bedroom door off its hinges.
What are you doing, dad?
We’ve updated our privacy policy. - Why did the student give up computer forensics?
Because he couldn’t hack IT. - How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It’s a hardware problem. - Someone broke into my office and stole my external hard drive; they really got my backup.
- What did the teenager say when they put their phone down?
OMG – I HAVE ANOTHER HAND!
We hope these jokes made you chuckle before you leave the office for the holidays. In the meantime, everyone here at eukhost wishes you a Merry Christmas. And remember, if you do need help, our wonderful support team are working all day, every day right across the festive period.
