With Christmas almost here and everyone getting in the holiday mood, we’ve dispensed with our usual, informative blog post, thinking that you’d rather be reading something a little more light-hearted. With that in mind, we’ve asked the team here to come up with their favourite IT jokes and one-liners so that we can share a little festive fun with you. Hopefully, they’ll bring a smile to your face and you might even tell one or two to your colleagues. Enjoy!
eukhost’s top IT jokes, 2019
1. Why should you never use ‘beef stew’ as a computer password?
Because it’s not stroganoff.
2. We’re sorry to announce that the inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair is next monkey.
3. How does a computer get drunk?
It takes screenshots.
4. Why did the rock band ‘1023 Megabytes’ split up?
Because they didn’t have a gig.
5. Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I’m addicted to checking my Twitter feed.
Doctor: I’m so sorry, I don’t follow.
6. Why did the worker get sacked from the keyboard factory?
Because he wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
7. We’ll, we’ll, we’ll …if it isn’t autocorrect.
8. Why did the server turn up late to the restaurant?
Because It had a hard drive.
9. Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
10. Why’s my computer just started singing the theme tune to Skyfall?
It must be a Dell.
11. I’ve stopped using social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles. Each day, I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the day before and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.
Does it work?
Yes. I already have three people following me — two police officers and a psychiatrist.
12. Mom: What do IDK, LY and TTYL mean in text messages?
Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
Mom: OK, I’ll ask your sister.
13. Adam and Eve were the first ever computer users. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte.
14. Thanks to autocorrect, this year my kids have sent their Christmas list to Satan.
15. Why couldn’t the customer get out of the Apple store?
Because there were no Windows.
16. So what if the computer beat me at chess? I smashed it at kickboxing.
17. What did your parents do to fight boredom before the internet?
I don’t know, I’ll ask my 15 brothers and sisters.
18. My email password has been hacked again. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.
19. I love the F5 key. It’s just so refreshing.
20. If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer …oh wait, he does.
21. What do you get if you Google ‘How to light a fire?’
22. Why do Java developers wear glasses?
Because they can’t C.
23. Yesterday, I updated my website username to ‘Hack me if you can’. When I woke up this morning, I saw it had changed to ‘Challenge accepted’. Somebody help!
24. What did the shrink say to the password?
Don’t listen to Google. You are a strong, resilient password.
25. What did the website owner say after being hacked?
At least I kept the web address, that’s domain thing.
26. I mostly just scroll through Instagram; it reminds me of what brand names I said out loud yesterday.
27. A boy came home to find his dad taking his bedroom door off its hinges.
‘What are you doing, dad?’
28. Why did the student give up computer forensics?
Because he couldn’t hack IT.
29. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It’s a hardware problem.
30. What did the teenager say when they put their phone down?
OMG – I HAVE ANOTHER HAND!
31. Someone broke into my office and stole my external hard drive; they really got my backup.
We hope these jokes made you chuckle before you leave the office for the holidays. In the meantime, everyone here at eukhost wishes you a Merry Christmas. And remember, if you do need help, our wonderful support team are working all day, every day right across the festive period.